So working with past clients I field a lot of questions on wedding etiquette. Who is supposed to pay for what? Where does this person stand? The thing I get asked about a lot is invitations. So for your reading pleasure, here is a very simple rundown of wedding invitation etiquette. These are questions that I have been asked personally or have known to been asked of invitation designers I have worked with. Of course, not everything is covered here, but if you wish to receive more help on your invitations, reach out to the designer or even myself. I love to help my clients go into meetings with designers with a game plan so that they run smoothly.
1) When do we send out our wedding invitations? I always recommend that your invitations go out 6-8 weeks before your wedding date. This gives people enough time to make travel arrangements and take time off work if necessary. If you are having a lot of out of town guests, make sure you do save-the-date cards and send them out 6-8 months in advance.
2) When should we set the RSVP deadline for? It is important to give yourself some time to reach out to those guests who do not RSVP, there are always some that don’t. So I recommend setting your RSVP date to be 3 weeks before your wedding date. That gives you a week to make phone calls and then be able to give final numbers and finish final details in the last two weeks.
3) Where should we put the information about our wedding website? You can include the web address in the formal invitations with a seperate insert, or added to an already created insert.
4) Where should we put the information about our registry? Your wedding website. To put it on your formal invitations is looked at as a big no-no. You also should make sure your bridal party and immediate family members know where you are registered because they may field that question. The registry information can go in your wedding shower invitations if you are having one.
5) How do you make it clear to our guests that the wedding is adults only (aka no kids)? There are a few ways you can head this off. First, make sure to address the invitations precisely, as in each persons name is written out on the envelope. On the RSVP card you can have “X seats have been reserved in your honor” and then write in the number of seats for each invitation. Lastly, make sure this information is written on your wedding website. In the end you may still have people adding their children. You should give them a call and let them know that it is an adults only reception and that you hope they can still join you.
6) How do we let guests know our dress code? Easiest way is to include the dress code on the lower right-hand corner of the invite or on an included insert. On top of that, the style of invitation will help your guests determine the type of event you are hosting. It you have a calligraphy artist address everything, that sets the tone for a more formal event. An invitation of a more fun nature will point to a more casual event. As always, this information can also be posted on your wedding website.
7) Do we have to give everyone a plus one? Nope. If someone is in a serious relationship then it is nice to extend the invitation to their partner, but make sure to address the invitation as such. Otherwise it is perfectly acceptable to only invite them. If for some reason they decide to add someone to their invitation, you should call them up and explain that either your venue only fits so many people, or that you are trying to keep it intimate and that you hope they can still join you.
8) Where should we write the return address on the envelope? It should be written on the back flap of the envelope. Make sure that the address used is the person that will be recording and updating your guest list. Make sure the RSVP envelope is addressed to the same person and that postage has been paid.
9) What information should be included on the invitation? In short: Who, What, Where and When. You can include a variety of other information like maps, menus, schedule of events,etc. But that is also information that you can put on your website and instead just have once simple insert with the address.
10) How do we word the invitation itself? Traditional wording where one set of parents are financially responsible:
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter/son
Sarah
To
Brian Smith
etc.
If you still wish to include the other set of parents on the invitation then in would be listed after the second persons name as such “son/daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Smith”. If both sets of parents are co-hosting:
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones
and
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Christopher Jones
and
Thomas Smith
etc.
If you don’t wish to list any parents:
Heather Renee Jones
and
Julie Laura Smith
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
etc.
In the end there are so many different ways to word your invitations. I can assist with this personally, or talk with your stationer as I am sure they have run into many different forms of weddings.
I hope that I have answered a few of your questions related to your wedding invitations. Remember that your invitation sets the mood and style of the wedding that you are having and so you need to make sure that not only is your event style but that your own style is reflected in them. Happy planning!
Special thank you for your invitation imagery (in order of appearance):
The wedding registry. To some couples it is the chance to create the ultimate wish list for their home, a way to begin planning their new life together. To others they feel they have everything or don’t like asking people for things. Or the last type of couple, they don’t want items, they just wish people would give them money (we’ll touch on this situation later and why its still a big no-no to ask for cash). But seriously, wedding registries can be really fun to create but they can also become stressful and overwhelming. So let’s talk about some tips on creating a wedding registry.
When should we start our registry? Traditionally you would create your registry before you announce your engagement. But frankly, that’s a lot of work to do when you’re bursting inside wanting to share the good news. So I recommend to my couples to make sure that it is completed before you have your engagement party, and if you are forgoing that, then make sure it is done before your wedding shower invitations go out.
Is there anything I should look for when choosing where to create my registry? First and foremost, make sure it is somewhere that actually carries things that you want, not just somewhere that will make Mom happy. Second, make sure their registry is user friendly. Nothing sucks more then having a registry that is hard to find or navigate because the system in place is complicated. Another thing to look for is if they have completion rewards. Some places give you a final coupon after your event for 10-20% off everything that is left on your registry that wasn’t purchased. So maybe the towels you’ve been dreaming about in your sleep were never gifted, but you just have to have them, well now just because you registered for them you can get them for 20% off.
How much do I need to register for? A lot more then you think. The thing is everyone that is invited to your shower will more then likely be bringing a gift. And if it is a lower priced item, then multiple gifts. Then you have people that won’t be able to attend the wedding but still want to send a gift. And then the people that actually bring a physical gift to the wedding. Do you work somewhere with friendly co-workers? They may throw you a party without you knowing it and you’ll have to have enough items on your registry for all of them. But it also goes back to the previous question when I mentioned the completion reward. Those coupons only work for items that you registered for before your event, so register for anything and everything you can think of so that even if it’s not purchased you can go back and buy it later at a discount.
But what if we have everything we already need in our home because we have lived together for a while now? My husband and I have been together 14 years, I was ecstatic when my mother bought me a new knife set for Christmas. Just because you have a lot of items already, doesn’t mean they couldn’t use an upgrade. Or that you couldn’t ask for a new tent to have for future camping trips. Or something that you are planning on buying for yourself, but could wait till after the wedding to get. You can always use new items or things to replace the old. It is a new chapter in your book together, it might as well start with new shiny things.
Seriously, I don’t want gifts, I just want cash. Seriously, no. I mean, I know, you’re putting a lot of money into your wedding and you’re hoping to not start your new life together in debt. I get it. But it is still UNACCEPTABLE to ask your guests for cash. Register for your honeymoon. Register for activities (see a few points down on registry options). Register for anything and everything that you will never use at a place with a wonderful return policy and get the money back. I don’t care, but do not ask your guests for cash, or let anyone know you returned everything or that I even mentioned it. In fact, forget I even said it. Go to Walmart and register for your groceries, just register. (Funny note, my husband and I registered for chips and salsa – totally worth it.)
OK fine I’ll make a registry, but do I have to do more then one? Yes. At a minimum I recommend you do two, and no more then four. But really two will do you just fine. The reason? Not everyone likes to shop at the same places. Not everyone can afford high end items and want more practically priced items so they prefer a different store. Give your guests options and they will not only buy you things but be more happy in the end. Make their shopping experience easy.
Make your registry practical and fun. Make sure that when you are choosing items to put on your registry, to pick things that you not only need, but items that you want too. I mean not everyone feels that they need zombie head cookie jar with removable brains, but if it’s something you really want then why not? (By the way it’s available at ThinkGeek). Make your registry practical, because you really do need dinner plates but also fun because who doesn’t want to drink their morning coffee out of a Back to the Future heat changing mug (also available HERE)?
Think outside the box. There are a lot of options out there for wedding registries. Not only those at brick and mortar stores, but a lot of options are now online. From Amazon registries to companies like ZOLA and My Registry. The nice thing about companies like ZOLA is that not only can you choose items but you can choose activities or honeymoon items. And My Registry takes every registry you create and puts it all together in one location. Let me touch back on brick and mortar stores, not only do people like to go and see and touch what they are buying, but a lot of people don’t feel comfortable or know how to purchase things online. Again, make everyone’s shopping experience easy.
Flatware. Check. Towels. Check. What else should I add? Storage items. You can never have enough storage items. Bins, baskets, totes, shelves, storage, storage, storage. As someone who is a big organizer I cannot recommend this enough. After all, where are you going to keep all of your new items?
So my registry is finished, now what? First, if you went to a brick and mortar store, go to their online store. Sometimes there are items that are only available online, but also keep in mind online exclusives or seasonal items may be out of stock if you create your registry very far in advance of your date. Lastly, tell your immediate family who can now spread the word to people they know. Make sure whoever is hosting your engagement party or shower knows where you are registered and give them any pertinent information like website or the handy-dandy cards you are sometimes given to put in invitations.
I just talked to my stationer and I keep being told I can’t put my registry on my invitations, why? Because it is another etiquette faux pas. Your registry information should be given to your guests in your engagement invitations or shower invitations. It can also be given by word of mouth through immediate family. It can also be listed on your wedding website. On a separate insert within your invitations you can add your wedding website, and that’s where people will find your registry.
I just received my first gift off my registry from someone who is not coming to my wedding. Can I open it? Yes. Open that sucker up and see what they sent! You want to make sure it is not broken or missing pieces as return policies differ for everything. And once you have checked it all out send them a thank you note now. That way they know you received it and enjoy it.
So there you have it. Just a few things to think about as you are creating your wedding registry. I hope that creating your registry turns out to be a simple process, as there are many other things to be working on when planning your wedding. Creating the registry should really be something fun you can do together.
This is the first post of many in a new series of blogs I will be writing. Each blog will contain tips for planning your wedding, and each will be based on a certain topic: venue hunting, making your budget or general decor decisions. Just to name a few that I have floating in my head. I hope that you find this new series beneficial to your wedding planning needs and that it can help guide you in some way.
So let’s start it off at the beginning. You just got engaged, so what do you do? Well of course celebrate, but I mean after that.
Topics to discuss with each other before you begin planning your wedding.
1). What do you see on your wedding day? Talk about the overall vision you have in your head for your wedding day. You should both be represented in your wedding. You should both have ownership of what your guests will experience. It may be something you’ve seen at another wedding, something you’ve envisioned since you were little or a fun, quirky idea that you think would set your wedding apart from every other wedding you’ve been to.
2). What is important to have happen that day? What are some things that are important to the both of you to have for your wedding day. A certain flower in your arrangements or a special meal to be served. These are your priorities for the wedding day and it will help you to know what you need to budget for. Not only are these things important to you both, but they also tend to be those things that really connect your guests to you on your wedding day.
3). When would you like to get married? A lot of couples have a date or season that is very important to them and so it’s easy to pick a wedding date. But you also need to stay flexible in your wedding planning. Sometimes the venue you want isn’t available and so you’ll have to adjust your date. Also holidays and weekends are appealing to a lot of couples planning their wedding because it’s easy for out of town guests to fly in. But also keep in mind that there are certain holidays where people want to stay home. Also, the discounts people say you get aren’t always true and sometimes holiday weddings are harder to plan because either everyone has picked that date or no one wants to work it. Also keep in mind the length of time you will have for wedding planning. The more time you have, the easier it will be on you.
4). Who must you invite? Maybe you want a small intimate wedding or maybe you have 13 cousins and their family that you just have to invite. Talk about who needs to be invited and who would be a bonus. Make a preliminary guest list now. It will set the stage for your budget and venues for your wedding day.
5). What do you want to spend? Are you paying for everything yourselves or are family members contributing? What can you honestly afford to spend? This is a great time to start doing some research on what a wedding actually costs. Some people are very surprised when they start to see those numbers. Talk to some recently married couples or join some local social media groups and see what people from your area are spending.
Wedding planning can be overwhelming at times, so take the time to plan it well. The more organized you are from the beginning the easier your wedding planning will be over time. And if you want the extra help, then contact me for a consultation and I will help with your wedding planning needs to make your day just perfect.
So first things first. The production triangle is not my idea and it is something used across many industries for production management. My husband was the first one to introduce me to the production triangle. In his day job as a machinist and engineer, his company uses it every day to get their projects done on time. And we’ve also used it to explain processes to clients in our other business when they don’t understand why some of the props we make take so long. But it was another wedding planner who brought it to my attention that it can also be applied to wedding planning; Rhonda from Precisely as Planned. I can’t seem to find the blog that started it all, but I did find this one by Jennifer at Alter Ego Weddings. Her blog is more eloquently written then mine, and frankly goes into a lot more detail then I will.
Now onto the topic at hand. The production triangle is just that; a triangle. Each side or corner represents a different aspect of your project. They generally are listed as Scope, Cost and Time. But you can find it recreated for many purposes. Each corner of the triangle directly effects the other corners. The idea behind it is that you choose two corners and that will show you how it will effect the last one. For example, in the triangle below you see the basic project management triangle. Here is how the corners effect one another:
You have a large SCOPE and a large COST you may have to extend your SCHEDULE.
You have a large COST and long SCHEDULE then your SCOPE can also be large.
Your have short SCHEDULE and large SCOPE then you will need to increase the COST.
The best and easiest way I have seen it explained was a sign at a mechanics shop that said:
GOOD service CHEAP won’t be FAST
GOOD service FAST won’t be CHEAP
FAST service CHEAP won’t be GOOD
So how does this apply to wedding planning? Let’s take a look at the wedding planning triangle.
In simplest terms it would work something like this:
A high GUEST COUNT and a small BUDGET means you will have to compromise on some of your PERSONAL STYLE options
A higher cost of PERSONAL STYLE and a small BUDGET means you will have to make you GUEST COUNT lower.
A large BUDGET and a small GUEST COUNT means you can indulge in your PERSONAL STYLE choices.
Now why is this so important to keep in mind when you are planning your wedding? A lot of brides that I talk to love a lot of images they see on Pinterest or in wedding blogs. I mean, who doesn’t? But what they don’t see if the cost of those items and what it takes to pull that off. So then they don’t understand why they can’t have their ceilings draped and an off season flower in their bouquets with their budget or in the short time they have to plan. They just saw and wanted. So this can kind of help put things in perspective for you when wedding planning. Knowing that your guest count and your budget will effect how much you can spend on flowers and decor and food. That the bigger your budget or the smaller your guest list, the more fun you can have.
Now of course this isn’t to say you can’t have a beautiful wedding without all the glorious decor you want, but by keeping the wedding planning triangle in your back pocket you can revisit it and remind yourself on what really would be the best decision to make for your wedding day. In the end it all comes down to what is important to you. Is it important to you to have every one of your family and friends with you to celebrate your day, but you’re not worried about having your entire wedding covered in flowers as far as you can see? Then you adjust that to make your wedding budget fit exactly what you want. At least this can help you understand how it all works together.
I can help walk you through your decisions and why you can do some things and not others. That’s what I’m here for. So if you’d like more information please send me a message and lets set up a consultation today!
For some people seeing your partner at the altar for the first time is a tradition they want to uphold. It can be a truly meaningful experience you want to share with your guests. But over the past few years, it has become just that, a thing of the past. Nowadays a “First Look” is the way to go. But a lot of people get caught up in how un-traditional it is and don’t give it a shot in their planning.
What is a First Look?
A first look is a special moment between the couple, where they see each other for the first time BEFORE the ceremony. It can happen with your bridal party and immediate family watching over. Or as I recommend, just between you two….and of course the photographer to capture every second of it. There are so many reasons why I think it’s a great idea to have a First Look on your wedding day, from more time with your guests, to less stress to get photos done. So let’s take a look at my top 10.
All the reasons to have a first look
10.) You get the most out of your photographer. With a first look, you get MORE photos! Your photographer is able to take the time to take more photos then they would be able to if they only had the cocktail hour to do so. Why not get more photos for your money?
9.) You can have your pictures taken anywhere you want. You can even have your pictures taken at multiple locations before the ceremony starts. Let’s say your heart is set on getting photos by the lake but there’s just no time to get there between the ceremony and reception. Enter the First Look.
8.) Daylight. Yep, lighting is a perk of a First Look. If your ceremony starts in the afternoon, and your photos are being done afterward, you are now racing the light. If you do your photos before, you get beautiful natural light that isn’t fading. It can completely change the look and feel of your photos, just ask your photographer.
7.) Walking down the aisle can be nerve-wracking. Am I going to trip? Is my veil on straight? Am I smiling too much? Not enough? Did my parents get to the right seat in the front? Am I giving the right reaction to seeing my partner for the first time? Am I doing this right? I’ve personally had a groom that was so nervous to give the right “reaction” that it completely calmed his nerves when they decided to do a First Look. The stress of “getting it right”, all 30 seconds of it, can sometimes get in the way of enjoying it. A First Look gives you the opportunity to control the situation and not feel the pressure of all of your guest’s eyes on you. And by the time you walk down the aisle, your jitters will be gone, and you can truly enjoy the moment.
6.) You are guaranteed to capture “the look”. Capturing the first time your partner sees you during the ceremony is really difficult. There are so many variables. And if you only have a single shooter, who are they going to focus on? Having a first look means that THE shot is going to happen. Everything is set up and planned. The photographer can get the perfect angle, leading to the perfect shot.
5.) You get time alone. So often is the case that things are timed so that there is very little breathing room for the couple. You don’t want to keep your guests waiting, right? So you rush from one thing to the next, getting pulled and pushed in multiple directions. With a first look, you get those moments alone, together. Probably one of the only moments you will get alone together until the day is done.
4.) It gives you more time for photos, plain and simple. Traditionally photos happen during the cocktail hour. That means your photographer has about 45 minutes to get all of your photos done. And that’s if you are having everything in one location. If there is traveling involved you now have to figure that time in there too. A First Look is planned to give you 2-3 hours to take photos. That also means you can have more FUN taking your photos. Who doesn’t like having FUN?
3.) Cocktails and Mingling. With all of the photos out of the way, you can actually enjoy your cocktail hour mingling with guests and thanking them for attending.
2.) There’s time to relax before the ceremony. Yes, sometimes it can mean an earlier start time, but when you are done with your first look and initial photos, you can relax again. Enjoying the entire day together with some close friends.
1.) Your ceremony will start on time. With my couples, I always add in extra time for those “running late” moments. Add into that your First Look, and you’ll be sitting around waiting for your wedding to start. It really comes down to the first look, and of course my amazing time management skills. But really, a first look gets everything started off on the right foot to run smoothly and on time.
So there you have it. It still may not be your cup of tea, but at least you took the time to consider it. And maybe if we sit down and chat about it in person, I can help ease any more fears you have about it. Contact me now and let’s set up a time.
So working with past clients I field a lot of questions on wedding etiquette. Who is supposed to pay for what? Where does this person stand? The thing I get asked about a lot is invitations. So for your reading pleasure, here is a very simple rundown of wedding invitation etiquette. These are questions that I have been asked personally or have known to been asked of invitation designers I have worked with. Of course, not everything is covered here, but if you wish to receive more help on your invitations, reach out to the designer or even myself. I love to help my clients go into meetings with designers with a game plan so that they run smoothly.
You have a large SCOPE and a large COST you may have to extend your SCHEDULE.
In simplest terms it would work something like this:
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