by Diana Warner | Jul 25, 2018 | Etiquette, Wedding Planning Tips
Something I have seen time and time again on local boards for wedding planning are questions about RSVP’s. Now I’ve already written a blog about invitation etiquette, and I lightly touched on RSVP’s, so if you just want an overview you can skip to that blog now. Within this one I am going to go into much more detail on just your RSVP card and the process of collecting that information.
RSVP Card Basics
Let’s start with the basics of your RSVP card by taking about the type of card. Yes there are types, as in a postcard, online or one you put in an envelope.
Online
- PROS: Very easy and quick for people to do, and generally leads to more RSVP’s actually coming in.
- CONS: Not everyone is technologically savvy and it can turn them off.
Postcards
- PROS: Cheaper for return mail as you can get postcard stamps.
- CONS: Rarely, but can get damaged more without an envelope to protect it.
Enveloped
- PROS: Traditional and what people expect.
- CONS: Postage can add up.
In the end I recommend at least doing one paper form of RSVP as well as offering an online one if you can. The reason I do not say to only offer online, is because you still have people that are not capable of doing it. Be kind and just send them a paper one too. Also, don’t forget that you still need to put a stamp on it. You ALWAYS put a stamp on the RSVP card. Otherwise, you are making it hard on your guests and you will have so many more that do not RSVP that you will have to reach out to (more on that later). The bonus my clients have with me is my online planning portal. My clients can send for a online RSVP request and then it automatically updates their guest list and seating chart. Boo-yah. Talk about efficiency and organization.
What should I put on the card?
Now let’s look at what should be put on your RSVP cards. The very top should have something written about the RSVP due date.
This date is EXTREMELY important. I always recommend to my clients that they set the date to be one week before final numbers are due. Traditionally they need numbers about 1-2 weeks before the event, so set your RSVP to three weeks before. WHY? So now you have a week to reach out to everyone who has not RSVP’d yet. And there will be MANY unfortunately, as that seems to be the norm now.
And YES you need to reach out to every single one who has not RSVP’d by the deadline. You do not want to have to guess and provide more seats and food “just in case”. Call them, text them, email them…..whatever you normally do to communicate with these people. And if they don’t get back to you, set another deadline. “If I don’t hear back from you by Friday, I will mark you down as not attending.” I am more than willing to help make phone calls to guests for my couples because getting a call from a wedding planner is different than from a friend. I always get the answer I need very quickly because of my position in the entire event.
What is that weird “M” line for?
The next line seems illusive to some people.
That line is for people to fill in their names aka “Mr John & Wilma Smith”. Now, traditionally it is for the guest to fill in, so you leave it blank but there is two things I will say here.
One, if you want to write in your guests names then do it. Tradition has flown so far out the window on things, that it really doesn’t matter anymore.
Two, if you do not write in their names you need to number your RSVP cards. For some reason there are people cannot grasp the concept of putting their names on things and send it back blank. Then instead of not knowing who it belongs to, you can look at the number and compare it to your guest list. I recommend either hiding the number in a dark spot on your card or buying UV pens and a blacklight flashlight. It just makes it look better to not see a hand written number on your card. If you can’t do either of the above, just number the cards and Miss Manners will look the other way, I promise.
The most important part of your RSVP card
Next on the card there is some version of the actual RSVP and an added line I ALWAYS recommend adding.
First for the actual RSVP it can be done very simply, or creatively, as long as both you and the guest understand which is a “yes” and which is a “no”. The added line is something like the following, “___ of ___ guests will be attending” or “___ seats have been reserved in your honor”. The point of this added line is to stop people from thinking they can just bring whoever they want. You have a set amount of people for that RSVP, AND YOU MUST FILL IN THE NUMBER OR ELSE IT IS TOTALLY POINTLESS. Now it doesn’t happen often, but every once in a while you get rude and inconsiderate person who crosses off the number and adds in their own. No, you cannot uninvite them as much as you and I wish you could. You do need to contact them and let them know that they will not be getting three seats instead of two. Then they have the choice of declining now or not. Stick to your guns and always blame the venue size for legal reasons that you can only have so many guests.
Don’t forget the food!
Lastly, if you are doing family style or buffet, then your card is done. But if you have meal choices for your guests to pick, then you also need to include that on your card.
Pretty simply leave a line with your meal options and the phrase “Please Initial Your Meal Choice Below”. Now sometimes you will get people putting in numbers or an “X” instead of initials. You can call those people and get a definitive answer if you want. Or you can keep in mind that they are family and if one ordered fish and the other beef, they can switch plates if they get the wrong one.
In the end, contacting them with your questions is best
You can follow all of the above and you will still end up with questions unanswered when you get your cards back. If you need more information or someone has not RSVP’d yet, CONTACT THEM ASAP. Don’t leave anything to chance. The goal in this is to do everything you can to make RSVP-ing easy for your guest and yourself and in the end have the least amount of headaches possible.
As a bonus, some people like to add fun things to their RSVP cards, like song requests. That is absolutely something you can add to your RSVP card at the bottom. And if someone requests the Macarena, kindly forget to put that on your DJs list for me. Thanks.
by Diana Warner | Mar 2, 2018 | Etiquette, Vendor Love, Wedding Planning Tips
So as a wedding planner, I get asked a lot of questions and this is one that I have seen asked again and again on local wedding boards. I’m very honest with my couples, so let me be honest with you. This should be a no-brainer. Your vendors are working hard for you all day. Would you want to go without a meal while working?
My boss doesn’t pay for my meals, why should I pay for theirs?
You are correct! Your boss doesn’t pay for your meals, instead you get 30-60 minutes to go and get your own meal to eat. So when would you like me to dismiss the DJ and photographer? I’m sure you won’t miss the music or holding up your dances till they get back.
Seriously, vendors are human too and they want to eat. It’s often time even written in their contracts that you must provide a warm meal and a place for them to sit. So that’s my first piece of advice, check your contracts and see what it says.
My second piece of advice is to talk to your caterer and see if they offer “vendor meals”. Sometimes they can give nice pasta instead of the filets you are serving, and this is acceptable! Some give a discount on vendor meals to be nice to you for serving your vendors. If anything, giving them the cheapest option of the meals you are serving your guests is completely acceptable!
My caterer doesn’t give a discount but said they can make boxed lunches for the vendors.
OK, while yes this is food, and yes it is at least something, it is not a nice thing to do to your vendors. Boxed lunches are generally made well before other things have been made. Now you are serving stale bread with turkey, cheese and potato salad. Maybe a bag of chips. If your caterer only offers this or your full priced meal, then pay full price. All this will do is aggravate your vendors and they will not work as hard for you as the night wears on.
Your wedding photographer is probably working 10-12 hours to capture your day. Your DJ shows up well in advance of your cocktail hour for setup and doesn’t leave until about an hour after the shindig is over.
As a wedding planner, I can tell you that I am the first in and last out. I work on average of 12 hours on the day, sometimes more. I usually have a great breakfast because I know I am not going to eat until dinner. When I remember I get to shove a granola bar down my throat with a bottle of water sometime between 12-4pm. It is exhausting to work weddings and it takes a lot out of you. Being given a nice warm meal with a table to sit at makes you feel appreciated and will help keep you going for the last 5 hours or more.
Wait, should I put them at a table with my guest? How does that work?
This can vary per wedding. The best thing you can do is to have a table at the back of the room specifically for your vendors. No decor needed, so don’t worry about the extra money on that. If you can’t put them in the room, then they need somewhere close enough to know what’s going on.
I always recommend sitting the photographer at a guest table if this is the situation because then at least they are still in the room to capture anything that may happen. Some DJs like to eat at their booth, some like to step away. I personally don’t care where I sit as long as I have a seat. I tend to take a few bites and then go back into the main room to make sure things are going well. When I am in wedding planner mode, I tend to not stay away for long, it’s just not in my nature. Again, check your contracts, it’s probably written in there. It’s not? Then ask your vendors!!
So who all do I need to feed then?
In short, anyone that is working your wedding through dinner.
The long list:
- Wedding Planner & Assistants
- DJ
- Photographer
- Videographer
- Any other vendors that will be there through dinner, that are not attached to your caterer. The caterer generally feeds its own staff if they need to be fed.
When in doubt, ask your vendor. It’s just the nice thing to do.
And speaking of food, let’s talk about lunch. You’re going to a salon and will be eating lunch afterwards, great. You’re having someone come to you for wedding day hair and makeup, and will be eating lunch where you are at? Offer them food. Keep your vendors happy and they will go above and beyond for you.
I don’t want my vendors to miss anything, when should they eat?
When you do. If the food being served is in a buffet line, as the wedding planner, I will make sure you and your party are taken care of and then I will send the vendors right behind. Depending on the time, I may send VIP family first. If your dinner is being plated, your caterer should know where the vendors will be eating and have the food to them right after you get yours. Seeing a pattern here?
This is really important because your vendors need to be ready to move as soon as you are. And shoveling food into their face just to get something down because they were only given 10 minutes to eat, is not an ideal thing. As the wedding planner, I know that I need to be available at all times, hence why I have an assistant. This is for many reasons, but one of those reasons is so that my assistant can eat while I watch the floor. Then when she is done I go eat. Sometimes I don’t eat until after all the events have happened and the dance floor is open. Everything gets planned and scheduled and worked out before the wedding day so that everyone is fed a proper meal that night.
You want to add a cherry on top of the awesome meal you just served? Make sure to offer your vendors cake during the night or have some boxed for them to take home. It takes a bit to unwind after a wedding, so a late night snack is always something that is appreciated!
by Diana Warner | Feb 9, 2018 | Etiquette, Wedding Planning Tips
Communicating to your guests that you are having an adults only wedding is not so much about how the wedding invitation is worded, but more so how the actual invite is addressed.
First let’s talk about ways that you can include the information within your invitation. The more elaborate your wording the better. Most people know that a “luxury hotel” or “famous art museum” are not child friendly. That being said you can also place the words “adults only”, or something similar on the reception cards.
Please join us at an adults-only reception at…….
Children are welcome at the ceremony but the reception will be adults only.
The best when you feel you will get a lot of pushback is to place the blame on your venue choice:
Due to restrictions (or space, etc.) at the venue, children under the age of 16 will not be permitted.
One more way to get the information to your guests is to include it on your wedding website. That way it’s not on your invitations but the information is available for people to see. Also making sure your immediate family and wedding party are aware so that they can field those questions from guests as they come up.
Really the item you should be focusing on is the envelopes. When addressing your wedding invitations they should be addressed specifically to the people that are invited.
For instance: Mr. and Mrs. Mike Jones.
To back that up you can add special wording to your response cards:
We look forward to celebrating with you!
____Adults will attend
____Sorry to miss it
Or something that I always recommend to all of my couples to do, is to call out how many seats are reserved for each invitation:
We look forward to celebrating with you!
___Seats have been reserved in your honor
___Adults will attend
___Sorry to miss it
Then when you are assembling your wedding invitations you fill in the number of seats that are reserved.
The options I touched on above are the most common ways for people to make sure that their wedding day is for only their adult friends and family. They may not work for you, and that’s ok. There are quite a few other ways to address this situation and I highly suggest talking to your designer so that they can help direct you as to what would work best for you.
In the end, when you do everything you can on your wedding invitations, wedding website, and have had extensive conversations with parents that want to bring their kids. You may still have someone that shows up with their child in tow. It happened to me at my wedding, so I know how it goes. First thing, take a breath. It is not the end of the world, it will not ruin this special day. You picked an awesome caterer that is prepared with extra meals and you have nothing to worry about. Enjoy your wedding day!
ON A PERSONAL NOTE: As a wedding planner I have ran into the occasional couple that absolutely refuses to budge on the no children rule for their wedding day. I ask those people to take a look at a few things before they make a decision. One, is the person wanting to bring their child extremely important to you? If so, you need to be prepared for one of two things. One, you bend the rules and let them come. Two, they don’t come to the wedding. If you’re ok with them not attending the wedding then stick to your guns.
The other thing I ask them to look at is if this person is a new mother (aka under one year old). I implore you to bend the rules in this situation. As a new parent, it is EXTREMELY difficult for some to leave their child in the first year, even more so under 6 months, 100% so if the mother is nursing. A child under one will not need their own food and most parents are aware to remove their child if it is crying or causing a scene. If you’re that worried, you can have an usher take them to specific seats and explain it is for their convenience to be able to remove themselves to care for their child if necessary. That can get the point across very sweetly. OK, off my soapbox now. Thank you.
by Diana Warner | Jan 26, 2018 | Wedding Planning Tips
Wait a second, isn’t a personal assistant something that powerful CEOs have to help run their days? A person that only business owners need, I mean really. The answer is no. First lets take a second and be honest, wouldn’t you want a personal assistant to help you now in your every day life? I know I would. Add to that the normal stress load of a wedding planning and then the craziness that is the wedding day. That is prime time for a Personal Assistant.
I have a wedding party that will help me with everything I need. That’s great news, but let’s talk for a second. As a wedding planner I have had the experience of seeing a lot of wedding parties in action. Not to say they are all alike, but I tend to see a lot of wedding parties being more interested in themselves and having fun, then the couple they are standing for. Many times they’re busy getting themselves ready, or having a few too many drinks. More often then not it is just the wedding party not really knowing what they are supposed to do or what is happening throughout the day.
That’s where hiring a personal assistant for your wedding is such an added bonus. When you hire a personal assistant through Eventistry, you get someone that knows weddings in and out. More importantly, they know YOUR wedding. I handle the assignment of your assistant and give them all the information that they need for the day. The have a copy of your wedding timeline in hand. They know how to tie a corset and bustle a dress. The know that you’re not focused on eating or drinking, so they make sure you do. You want them to bring breakfast to you and your attendants? They can do that. They also come prepared with emergency snacks and drinks just in case there is nothing to be found nearby. They make sure you are running on time and that you don’t leave your emergency kit in the hotel room.
A lot of couples just hire a personal assistant for the morning, since that’s really the only time that I could potentially not be near you to help and answer questions. Plus your personal assistant is a direct line to me. They know how to communicate with me and they know the right questions to ask to get you the answers they don’t already have. Some couples find that they want a personal assistant throughout the entire day. As I am working with your vendors to keep things running, checking in on you to make sure you are comfortable, your personal assistant is right by your side for everything you need. They can keep track of your personal belongings and making sure they are packed in your get away car.
Now I should also mention that a personal assistant is an a la carte item that I offer to couples. What this means is that even if you don’t wish to use my wedding planning services, you could still utilize one of my assistants to get you through the day. Prices are based on distance and travel needed and the general scope of responsibilities that you need them to perform. So please let me know during your consultation if you are interested in having an assistant, or send me a message to get more information.
by Diana Warner | Jan 12, 2018 | Wedding Planning Tips
Wedding planning entails a lot of pieces and parts that are put together over a course of time. Things that are discussed in length before making a decision on. Things that are thought about over and over again. Here’s something that tends to fall to the wayside: the pieces and parts that are specifically needed on the day. I’m not talking about your flowers, or dessert or even your transportation. (Though sometimes that is overlooked as well.) No, I’m talking about the small things that couples will want to have on the big day, but won’t unless they pack an emergency kit. It doesn’t have to be very big, especially if you have hired me as your wedding planner. I bring my own very large rolling suitcase turned emergency kit. Within it I hold some tricks up my sleeve to help in all those moments of crisis. For instance, I have white chalk to remove stains from wedding dresses. Pluck that nugget if you will.
So here is a small list of items that I recommend couples pack in their emergency kit for their wedding day.
- Gum/breath mints
- Clear nail polish- for runners and touch ups
- Chapstick
- Bobby pins
- Safety pins
- Small first aid kit- bandaids at a minimum
- Nail file
- Tissues
- Q-tips- great for cleaning and mascara runs
- Hairspray
- Lotion
- Deodorant
- Hand sanitizer
- Fashion tape
- Tylenol/Advil/etc.
- Dental floss
- Granola bars (or protein filled snacks)
- Water, water and more water
- Suntan lotion (if outdoors)
- Bug spray (if outdoors)
- Mini bottle of favorite liquor – you know you want to.
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