by Diana Warner | Feb 9, 2018 | Etiquette, Wedding Planning Tips
Communicating to your guests that you are having an adults only wedding is not so much about how the wedding invitation is worded, but more so how the actual invite is addressed.
First let’s talk about ways that you can include the information within your invitation. The more elaborate your wording the better. Most people know that a “luxury hotel” or “famous art museum” are not child friendly. That being said you can also place the words “adults only”, or something similar on the reception cards.
Please join us at an adults-only reception at…….
Children are welcome at the ceremony but the reception will be adults only.
The best when you feel you will get a lot of pushback is to place the blame on your venue choice:
Due to restrictions (or space, etc.) at the venue, children under the age of 16 will not be permitted.
One more way to get the information to your guests is to include it on your wedding website. That way it’s not on your invitations but the information is available for people to see. Also making sure your immediate family and wedding party are aware so that they can field those questions from guests as they come up.
Really the item you should be focusing on is the envelopes. When addressing your wedding invitations they should be addressed specifically to the people that are invited.
For instance: Mr. and Mrs. Mike Jones.
To back that up you can add special wording to your response cards:
We look forward to celebrating with you!
____Adults will attend
____Sorry to miss it
Or something that I always recommend to all of my couples to do, is to call out how many seats are reserved for each invitation:
We look forward to celebrating with you!
___Seats have been reserved in your honor
___Adults will attend
___Sorry to miss it
Then when you are assembling your wedding invitations you fill in the number of seats that are reserved.
The options I touched on above are the most common ways for people to make sure that their wedding day is for only their adult friends and family. They may not work for you, and that’s ok. There are quite a few other ways to address this situation and I highly suggest talking to your designer so that they can help direct you as to what would work best for you.
In the end, when you do everything you can on your wedding invitations, wedding website, and have had extensive conversations with parents that want to bring their kids. You may still have someone that shows up with their child in tow. It happened to me at my wedding, so I know how it goes. First thing, take a breath. It is not the end of the world, it will not ruin this special day. You picked an awesome caterer that is prepared with extra meals and you have nothing to worry about. Enjoy your wedding day!
ON A PERSONAL NOTE: As a wedding planner I have ran into the occasional couple that absolutely refuses to budge on the no children rule for their wedding day. I ask those people to take a look at a few things before they make a decision. One, is the person wanting to bring their child extremely important to you? If so, you need to be prepared for one of two things. One, you bend the rules and let them come. Two, they don’t come to the wedding. If you’re ok with them not attending the wedding then stick to your guns.
The other thing I ask them to look at is if this person is a new mother (aka under one year old). I implore you to bend the rules in this situation. As a new parent, it is EXTREMELY difficult for some to leave their child in the first year, even more so under 6 months, 100% so if the mother is nursing. A child under one will not need their own food and most parents are aware to remove their child if it is crying or causing a scene. If you’re that worried, you can have an usher take them to specific seats and explain it is for their convenience to be able to remove themselves to care for their child if necessary. That can get the point across very sweetly. OK, off my soapbox now. Thank you.
by Diana Warner | Sep 27, 2017 | Etiquette, Wedding Planning Tips
So working with past clients I field a lot of questions on wedding etiquette. Who is supposed to pay for what? Where does this person stand? The thing I get asked about a lot is invitations. So for your reading pleasure, here is a very simple rundown of wedding invitation etiquette. These are questions that I have been asked personally or have known to been asked of invitation designers I have worked with. Of course, not everything is covered here, but if you wish to receive more help on your invitations, reach out to the designer or even myself. I love to help my clients go into meetings with designers with a game plan so that they run smoothly.
1) When do we send out our wedding invitations? I always recommend that your invitations go out 6-8 weeks before your wedding date. This gives people enough time to make travel arrangements and take time off work if necessary. If you are having a lot of out of town guests, make sure you do save-the-date cards and send them out 6-8 months in advance.
2) When should we set the RSVP deadline for? It is important to give yourself some time to reach out to those guests who do not RSVP, there are always some that don’t. So I recommend setting your RSVP date to be 3 weeks before your wedding date. That gives you a week to make phone calls and then be able to give final numbers and finish final details in the last two weeks.
3) Where should we put the information about our wedding website? You can include the web address in the formal invitations with a seperate insert, or added to an already created insert.
4) Where should we put the information about our registry? Your wedding website. To put it on your formal invitations is looked at as a big no-no. You also should make sure your bridal party and immediate family members know where you are registered because they may field that question. The registry information can go in your wedding shower invitations if you are having one.
5) How do you make it clear to our guests that the wedding is adults only (aka no kids)? There are a few ways you can head this off. First, make sure to address the invitations precisely, as in each persons name is written out on the envelope. On the RSVP card you can have “X seats have been reserved in your honor” and then write in the number of seats for each invitation. Lastly, make sure this information is written on your wedding website. In the end you may still have people adding their children. You should give them a call and let them know that it is an adults only reception and that you hope they can still join you.
6) How do we let guests know our dress code? Easiest way is to include the dress code on the lower right-hand corner of the invite or on an included insert. On top of that, the style of invitation will help your guests determine the type of event you are hosting. It you have a calligraphy artist address everything, that sets the tone for a more formal event. An invitation of a more fun nature will point to a more casual event. As always, this information can also be posted on your wedding website.
7) Do we have to give everyone a plus one? Nope. If someone is in a serious relationship then it is nice to extend the invitation to their partner, but make sure to address the invitation as such. Otherwise it is perfectly acceptable to only invite them. If for some reason they decide to add someone to their invitation, you should call them up and explain that either your venue only fits so many people, or that you are trying to keep it intimate and that you hope they can still join you.
8) Where should we write the return address on the envelope? It should be written on the back flap of the envelope. Make sure that the address used is the person that will be recording and updating your guest list. Make sure the RSVP envelope is addressed to the same person and that postage has been paid.
9) What information should be included on the invitation? In short: Who, What, Where and When. You can include a variety of other information like maps, menus, schedule of events,etc. But that is also information that you can put on your website and instead just have once simple insert with the address.
10) How do we word the invitation itself? Traditional wording where one set of parents are financially responsible:
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter/son
Sarah
To
Brian Smith
etc.
If you still wish to include the other set of parents on the invitation then in would be listed after the second persons name as such “son/daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Smith”. If both sets of parents are co-hosting:
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones
and
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Christopher Jones
and
Thomas Smith
etc.
If you don’t wish to list any parents:
Heather Renee Jones
and
Julie Laura Smith
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
etc.
In the end there are so many different ways to word your invitations. I can assist with this personally, or talk with your stationer as I am sure they have run into many different forms of weddings.
I hope that I have answered a few of your questions related to your wedding invitations. Remember that your invitation sets the mood and style of the wedding that you are having and so you need to make sure that not only is your event style but that your own style is reflected in them. Happy planning!
Special thank you for your invitation imagery (in order of appearance):
Adore Paper Co
Eventistry
Up & Away Designs
It’s All Personal
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