by Diana Warner | Mar 1, 2021 | Etiquette, Wedding Planning Tips
You have graciously accepted the honor of standing in front of a crowd while all of the attention is on two people getting married – you are now a member of a wedding party, the honor attendants, entourage, groupies, whatever you want to call yourselves. Congratulations! Before I get into the main points I must first call out to those who bestowed upon you this honor.
These amazing people who you have asked to stand with you are some of your nearest and dearest. They are standing with you for a reason. They are important to you and it means the world to have them stand with you. If what I have just said is not true, then you have chosen people because you have to (aka relatives or you were in their wedding – which is a whole different situation) or you need to rethink why you chose your attendants.
These people are friends or family and have accepted your request to be a part of your big day. They did not sign up to help with every little thing that has to do with your wedding, like gluing 638 rhinestones onto every candle holder to represent how many days you’ve been together. They didn’t sign up to be required to listen to your every decision and/or issue while planning your wedding. They did not sign up to be treated like hired help, because they are not being paid. They signed up to be a part of your day, will do everything in their power to help when they can, plan and attend some pre-wedding parties, buy an outfit they can afford, walk 20 steps and stand still, smile at a photographer and keep you fed and hydrated all day. Other than that, you can expect nothing more. So what I am about to tell these honored attendants is not just good for them to know, but good for you to hear. That way you know what to expect of them and won’t be disappointed if nothing else happens. Now let’s begin with things you must and must not do as a member of this elite club.
WHAT YOU MUST DO
- Buy or rent your wedding attire. Look, buying a dress or renting a tux can be expensive, so make sure you let your couple know ahead of time if you will have any financial issues with this. That way they can make the decision to help cover the cost or choose someone else (which I hope they don’t do). The price of the attire should be within reason, meaning based on your age, employment status, etc. If it is not within reason for you, talk with your couple and see what can be worked out.
- Attend the wedding and the reception. Sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how many people show up extra late or leave early that are in the wedding party. It even happened to yours truly, but we won’t go there. Unless there is an emergency or an unavoidable issue, you need to be at the ceremony and the reception on time, and for the entire time.
- Do not get drunk before the ceremony. And keep them from getting drunk too. Nothing holds up a wedding more than a liquored-up wedding party. They show up late, they don’t listen to instructions, they throw up on the alter…..it’s just bad. Drinking is going to happen, but do it in moderation. Once they say “I Do” then keep it flowing and have fun, but stay sober enough to be able to get through the entire reason for the day.
- Help plan and pay for pre-wedding parties. In general the maid/matron/man/person of honor is in charge of the pre-wedding parties (aka showers and bach parties), and the rest of the attendants chip in financially and with ideas. Even helping organize, prepare, and execute the events. Sometimes parents will offer to chip in or host showers. This should not be expected, but they should not be left out once planning starts. All this being said, if you cannot financially help with the festivities, make it known ASAP and help in other ways. Offer up your house, assemble all the favors, clean up when all is said and done. There are many ways to contribute if you cannot spend money. But if you are of a stable job, this is something you must be prepared for. And to those at the head of planning the parties, set a budget and stick to it.
- Help with setup. Now in an ideal world, every couple would hire a wedding planner (**cough cough** ME) or at least someone to set up their venues so that their friends and family don’t have to help. But it’s also not in everyone’s budget. So if your couple does not have a planner, and they ask for your help to set things up at the venues, help them. It’s a big undertaking and they will need all the hands they can get.
- Attend pre-wedding festivities. Now sometimes everyone’s lives do not correlate well together and schedules do not mesh. There are for sure legitimate reasons why some people may not be able to attend one of the pre-wedding parties, but do your best to be there. And if you can’t, at least still help with putting it together. Even if you live in another state you can send a check to the host and a gift to the couple, it’s called Amazon.
- Listen. Sometimes your couple is going to get stressed out while planning this wedding. IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. So although I said earlier that you didn’t sign up to hear every little issue, you did sign up to be a friend during this time. Sit on the phone and just listen. Even if you have no clue how to help, be an ear to bitch to and go on your merry way.
- Make sure your couple is hydrated and fed all day. The wedding day will go by so fast, and they will be pushed and pulled in so many directions that sometimes they will not remember to drink or eat…..especially in the morning. It is your job to make sure they are taking care of themselves because they have a long day to get through.
Photo by: Johnny Joo
WHAT WOULD BE NICE FOR YOU TO DO
- Go shopping for THE dress. Now of course this is one of those things where schedules will not always align, especially the more people that are being asked to come. So if your schedule doesn’t match the appointment times, it’s ok. Dress shopping can be both fun and disappointing. Bridal dress sizes are all wonky and shopping for this outfit can have a lot of weight to it, so emotions run high. Be there for support in her decision.
- Help pick out your outfits. So do you have to? No. But if you don’t then you have no say in the end with what you are wearing. Plain and simple. Voice your opinion and wear something flattering. Stay home and wear the neon pink sequined dress with the giant bow on your butt. Your choice.
- Pay for your “extras” aka hair, makeup, shoes, jewelry, etc. Now here’s where I also say, don’t pay for your hair and makeup. The thing is, if you can financially afford it, then pay for it. If you cannot afford it then let your couple know. If they are REQUIRING you to have your hair and makeup done and you can’t afford it, then they should be paying for it. But do your best to get it done because you will look like the odd one out if everyone is all done up professionally and you did it yourself. Trust me, you CAN tell.
- Help with some of the wedding tasks. Depending on your couple there will either be minimal tasks to be done, or there will be so much DIY your fingers will no longer feel the pain of a glue gun anymore. Be ready and willing to help your couple assemble some wedding items: favors, invitations, centerpieces, etc. Make sure you make it clear from the beginning what you are able and willing to help create. Also, your couple knows you, so if they don’t ask you to help because they know you are not crafty-capable, don’t take offense. Not everyone wants glue fingerprints and glitter all over their escort cards. Be honest with yourself and put down the glue gun.
- Give a toast. Now in general it is a traditional and normal request to ask the people of honor to speak at the wedding reception. So if you are in that position be prepared for it and don’t say no. If you are any other member of the party you may be asked as well, sometimes even to speak at the rehearsal dinner. Just be honest with your couple if you feel you can do it or not.
WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T DO
- DO NOT ACCEPT THE ROLE IF YOU ARE NOT 100% INVESTED. Look, in the end, you have the right to be treated with kindness and as a human being. We all know there are some couples that feel they are entitled to more than they should be. That’s the nicest way I can put it. BUT you have agreed to be a part of this momentous occasion that comes with stress, high emotions, menial tasks, and a lot of working parts that need to come together. Sometimes it will get the best of them, and as a friend who is important enough to be standing by their side as they declare their lifelong commitment to each other……bite your tongue, smile and nod, glue the rhinestone……deal with it.
Photo by: Grace Hannah Photography
by Diana Warner | Feb 19, 2021 | Uncategorized
As I wrote this blog I was trying to think of a title. I like to keep things funny and lighthearted and I hope I did the job because it brought you here to read it. See, I laugh every time someone is confused by the term “STD” while planning their wedding. I’m sure you can guess why I’ve gotten many funny looks. When some people hear me talk about STDs they stop and think, is she seriously talking about what I think she’s talking about? No, I am not. See in the wedding world “STD” stands for “Save-the-Date”. You know those pre-invitations you send out 6-8 months BEFORE your wedding date.
That’s just one example of terms that people are confused by when planning their wedding. You have entered into a world that is unknown to you and filled with terms and concepts that are foreign. What I wanted to provide for you is a list of terms you may hear me mention or even your other wedding professionals. Not everything is included here, as I went with the more common words and acronyms that people question. But if there is something you would like explained, please comment and I will add it to the list.
I will say, that because I talk about weddings a lot it is hard for me to not use some of these terms. But if we are ever talking and I confuse you, please ask me to explain. And if you understand a different term better, let me know and I will do my best to adjust my vocab to help. Wedding planning is confusing enough sometimes, I don’t want to confuse you more.
Rising Ashes Designs
Wedding Planning Terms
Attrition/Contracted – This is the rate that refers to the percentage of rooms that must be filled in order to avoid paying a penalty. (Courtesy blocks there are no fees for unbooked rooms)
Belly Band – The paper wrap that goes around your invitations.
Gobo – a metal disc place in front of a light to create a design/monogram on the floor or wall.
Swag – Floral Arch Arrangement
Bouts – Boutonniere
Shot List – List of desired photos or videos you would like to be captured.
Drop Linens – Place linens on the table
High Top/Bistro Table/Tall Boy – Cocktail table
Charger Plates – The fancy plates that keep the setting and go under the meal plates.
Place Setting – This is the complete set of dishes, glassware, and utensils provided for a single guest.
Bistro Lighting – String lights with large bulbs
Escort Cards – These are the cards that tell guests where their table is and tells the caterer the meal they ordered.
Place Card – These are the cards that direct guests not only to their table but to the exact seat they will sit in. Very formal dinner.
Room Flip – This is when a room is transformed from one setting to another. Most commonly done for a ceremony flipped to the reception while guests go to a separate room for cocktail hour.
Strike/Breakdown – Cleanup of the event
Wedding Planning Acronyms
STD – Save-the-Date
NAB – Non-alcoholic Beverage
BEO – A Banquet Event Order is a contract that lists all of the important details of an event. BEOs are used at most hotels and event facilities to help ensure everything is outlined and agreed on
RFP – Request for a Proposal
MUA – Makeup Artist
HAMU – Hair & Makeup
HA – Honor Attendant
MOB/FOB/MOG/FOG – Mother of Bride/Father of Bride/Mother of Groom/Father of Groom
MOH – Maid/Matron/Man of Honor
BM/BW – Best Man/Best Woman
by Diana Warner | Jan 28, 2021 | Inspiration, Wedding Planning Tips
Every couple dreams of pulling off an epic wedding. But doing that takes a fair amount of hard work. There are months of planning and countless stressful nights to create a day of memories that will last a lifetime.
Are you making the right choices to ensure your wedding ceremony and reception stand out from the crowd? Or are you quietly fitting in with the rest of the wedding pack?
No matter what, no couple should ever have to worry about whether or not their wedding is unapologetically them or stress out that the day goes off without a hitch. They also shouldn’t be anxious about keeping their guests occupied with “wow” moments.
You hire me for just that reason! I’m the one that can bring “wow” ideas to the table for you. I help execute them or make sure the wedding day team has what they need to get it done, and done right. That’s not something you should be thinking or worrying about.
One of the most effortless conversations we can have is about adding moments of surprise and delight. These moments can help to entertain your guests and give them a long-lasting impression. And as your wedding planner, it’s important to me that you recognize your guest’s experience is important too.
Here are just a few ways that you can start planning “outside the box” and add a bit of surprise and delight into your wedding day:
Dream Up A Memorable Entrance
They say first impressions are everything, so why not make your wedding stand out right from the get-go?
Grand entrances can be an impressive experience for both the couple and their wedding guests. Say you want to entice your guests as they enter the venue space. You can opt to entertain them with live musicians or other performers as they mingle for cocktail hour or make their way to their designated tables. Your dramatic introduction can happen at either the ceremony or the reception (or both if you’re feeling fancy).
Another way to make a memorable entrance is by going over-the-top to introduce the happy couple and their wedding party. Try and recreate elements of your love story. Think of creative and unique ways to highlight how you met, your favorite activities to do together, or anything in-between.
Raise The Bar With Luxury Decor
No matter your budget, you can easily elevate the reception space with luxurious decor. But don’t get me wrong, luxurious doesn’t always mean more money. See your design elements can be something as simple as throw pillows or fabric-rich tablescapes to more off-the-wall and adventurous endeavors such as hanging installations or over-the-top light shows with accompanying music. These lush elements can help set the mood for the reception and put guests in the right vibe and headspace for the event.
Personally, I love hanging installments over sweetheart tables, head tables or dance floors. People will be taking a lot of pictures of you to in those spots. So make them extra photogenic.
Craft Different Scenes
Storytelling is a great way to bring your wedding to life. Every couple has a unique journey, whether it’s your family history or your extraordinary love story. Either of these can easily be divided up into stations.
Want to incorporate both partner’s family history and culinary traditions into your wedding menu? Try dividing each cuisine type into a section of the room and scatter in tidbits of family tradition and history throughout the tablescapes.
Another way to break up your reception area is by creating seating areas. Comfy chairs and couches with coffee tables. It brings people in for conversation when they need a break from the dance floor. Include wedding décor and pictures of you, and it’s like you’re inviting them into your living room.
But seriously, creating “wow” factors can be easy. Sometimes it just takes diving deeper into you as a couple to find the fun things to focus on. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me and let’s start a conversation that can lead to the “wow factor” your wedding deserves.
by Diana Warner | Jan 5, 2021 | Uncategorized
First, let me start by saying that planning a wedding in 2020 is not really more difficult in the concept, but with all of the unknowns that are faced by planning something for the future, the stress level is increased. Do you book a vendor now or wait to see if you have to postpone everything? How many guests will we be allowed to invite and who of those will feel comfortable attending? Do I plan for my original guest list or just wait it out? So many decisions to make and with not wanting to lose money or a family member, it just sucked.
To my couples who opted to move forward with their wedding on a different scale and path, my heart goes out to you for the difficult decisions you had to make.
To my couples that opted to postpone to 2021 or to sometime in the future, my heart goes out to you for being able to make that choice, and for knowing when your original date came and went your heart was hurting.
To my couples who opted to cancel and go a different route, I understood and support your decision. I was still thrilled to see your mini celebrations on your social media. I wish you all the best.
A Change of Plans
Angela & Scott
When COVID-19 began, Angela & Scott knew it was going to impact their June wedding. Although they were disappointed with having to change things, they took everything in stride and in the end we’re just happy to get married. We moved from their venue to a tented wedding on a private residence and basically started wedding planning all over again. With only 3 months to do it too. It was simple and intimate and beautiful.
Photographer: CLE Weddings – Beauty: Rachelle Carpenter – Officiant: Merrill Wheeler – Flowers: Berry’s Blooms – Catering: One Eleven Bistro – Desserts: Dee Bakes – Tent & Rentals: Medina Tent Company
Jessica & Jim
Everything was going as planned and then we got word that their reception hall was closing to the public and their reception could not take place. We had many discussions on how to move forward and in the end, they decided to embrace the situation with grace. Jessica & Jim opted to keep their wedding date and got married with their closest friends and family surrounding them. Next year we will bring together everyone who could and could not be there and celebrate at their reception like no one’s business.
Photographer: Trisha McCarthy Photography – Ceremony Venue: North Chagrin Reservation, Chestnut Shelter – Beauty: Samantha Fellows – Bridesmaid Fashion: Azazie – Bridal Gown: Formality Resale – Groom Attire: Men’s Warehouse – Cookies: Dee Bakes – Bouquets & Bouts: Blush Custom Weddings – Officiant: Nicholas Maitland – Transportation: Mr. A-1 Limo – Videography: Video Memories
Serena & Stephen
I was facing the end of my wedding season with only 2 couples, and then I got that magical phone call from Serena’s mother Ellie. Serena & Stephen live in New Jersey where weddings were closed completely, and so they wanted to come to Ohio and have an intimate celebration at home with family and friends. In 5 weeks, we planned an entire wedding. It put the wind back into my sails and I was so happy to end the season with not only a five-star team beside me but with a caring and loving couple whose friends and family were the most welcoming. Also……fireworks.
Photographer: One Red Door Photography – Ceremony Venue: Uptown Park Gazebo in Medina – Beauty: Salon Rootz & Jason Kelly Faceart – Officiant: Two NEO Wedding Officiants – Florals: Amour Floral & Decor – Linens: Elegance 4 My Event – DJ: C-Town Entertainment – Catering: Taste of Excellence – Cake: Rito’s Bakery – Videography/Streaming: An Affordable DJ – Rentals: Sully’s Rentals – Transportation: TL Worldwide Transportation – Fireworks: Zambelli’s Fireworks
Wedding Planning in 2021
This is to highlight and share the love for my amazing and beautiful couples that have postponed to 2021. No matter what happened this year, 2021 is your year to celebrate you.
Kristen & Matt
Nate & Jared
by Diana Warner | Dec 31, 2020 | Being a Wedding Planner, Real Couples
This year in review post is going to be SO different than years pasts. Normally I open with something inspirational about the past year, my hopes for the future, and touch on all the amazing events and happenings I was lucky to be a part of. This year my couples faced planning during a pandemic, postponing their event to 2021, or making the extremely hard choice of canceling. It’s a lot to talk about and so I will keep that for a separate post.
Brooklyn Media
With that in mind, I think I’ve sat down to write this blog at least 4 times and I just don’t know how to lay it all out. I will start first by saying that I am happy to be alive and healthy. I am lucky that my family and friends have escaped Covid thus far or have had mild cases (if even a mild case really is a mild case). My heart pours out to those friends and strangers who have lost someone to Covid or just frankly have been impacted by this whole situation. Which is really everyone, even you dear reader.
My Personal Life
I was having to manage my business as well as my role as Mom and Wife. It started with virtual school for my preschooler, a summer of going nowhere (canceling our Disney trip even), making the hard decision to send my daughter into kindergarten, and then back to virtual school again. Plus everything else in between. Let me first say, I am not a teacher and although being a wedding planner is a Top 10 Most Stressful Job, I cannot share my love for teachers enough. Teachers are everything to kids right now. So if you are a teacher reading this…..thank you!
I also had two surgeries which were scary in themselves. My knee was planned but my gallbladder was not. And frankly, I would rather have another child then experience a gallbladder attack again. Add on Covid and my recovery time stuck at home with a 5-year-old. This year has taught me a lot of patience…..and also not.
Wedding Planner Life
One Red Door Photography
I can say for certain that the wedding industry was rocked hard this year and still has not recovered. Frankly, I feel it will be a long time before weddings return to what used to be “normal”. That doesn’t mean weddings won’t happen, but just as we see them will be a little different for some time.
I have had friends close their businesses or come reeeeally close. I have spent countless hours chatting with other wedding professionals and just listening to their frustrations and giving them the best advice I can. I myself have leaned on my colleagues for advice and information. When the regulations on live events first went into place, I was glued to my computer for information and to make sure that the local industry Facebook group I run was civil and the correct information was given out. I also had to postpone the wedding show I was organizing that was supposed to be in just two weeks.
There was also supporting my couples with whatever decisions they had to make and assuring them they were making the right decisions for themselves. When I started wedding planning, postponements and cancellations happened once in a blue moon. This was new territory and with my ability to think on my feet, knowledge of weddings and how they work, and capacity to be exceptionally organized, I was able to assist my couples in whatever they needed while still keeping my company afloat.
The Silver Linings
In a nutshell, 2020 sucked….hardcore. But there were some positives that came out of it as well.
- My daughter and I got to spend a lot of time together. Not only because we couldn’t go anywhere, but when a child starts kindergarten it’s a shock. I went from her being home all but a few hours a day for preschool, to being gone for more than half the day at kindergarten. It was great for many reasons but my heart missed her so much. So although zoom for young kids is a complete joke (I wish I had a mute button) and my daughter has probably consumed way too much TV, I was able to be with her.
- My car mileage and gas consumption has gone WAY down and I have saved a lot of money.
- We actually met a lot of our neighbors we had never met before. Seriously, we have lived in this house for 15 years and we actively talked to two people that lived near us. This summer my daughter made 5 new friends that all live within 3 houses of us. One is right across the street, where we basically spent our summer in their little pool. The even bigger silver lining is I made friends with her mom. Like sitting on the couch, enjoying a drink together, letting the girls play all while we talk about life friend. That is priceless to me.
- I became moderately better at sewing. I got a lot of practice helping to make masks for frontline workers (over 450 of them!)
CLE Weddings
So there you go. A short rundown of my year that shall not be named. I am putting it behind me as best as I can because we are still really in the thick of it. I’m trying my best to look forward to the positives and projects in the future.
To my couples that have postponed, we will meet again and put together an amazing celebration that everyone will be beyond ready to have. To the new couples that have found their way to me, I am feeling very lucky that you have put your trust in me and that no matter what happens we will get through it together. To my fellow wedding professionals, congratulations on making it here and surviving what is probably the most unique and hardest season to date. To my friends and family, I cannot wait for the Christmases in July and bonfire cookouts this summer. We will get to hang out and hug and be with each other again. Cheers to 2021, I am ready for it. May it bring peace, happiness, closure, or anything else you need it to bring. You deserve it.
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